Questions to Answers | Surrender to the Holy Spirit Sharing Series
Genesis 1:2 Now the earth was a formless void…
I remember growing up mostly going through the motions when it came to my Methodist church. I liked the stories but never really listened to the message. After both my parents passed away at a young age nothing changed. Going to church was more of a social function than anything else. By the time college rolled around, there was no thought of God to be found in me. My views on the world had taken hold and with my young and naïveté came a four year failed marriage that left me as a formless void.
…there was darkness over the deep…
During college, I became an atheist. As a hobby, I loved to self-learn about science, anything from the birth of stars, galaxies, the universe, all the way to the theory of evolution. I would read and listen to people like Richard Dawkins and Neil DeGrasse Tyson with 100% conviction. There was no way a God existed anymore to me. The Cosmos had become my church, and this time I was listening. Playing the rhetoric that religion had no room for science, like the time worn story that the Church rejected the science that great men like Newton, Galileo, and Copernicus. I had submerged myself into the deep, and there was only darkness.
…with a divine wind sweeping over the water.
With my belief that this universe had begun just by chance, I went through life thinking everything would just work itself out. I did not take very much seriously, even the signs of a failing marriage. It was easy to walk away, and I did. I moved here to Lafayette for a new job. That first year was a long and lonely time. The death of neither my parents nor my marriage ending compared to the pain of that loneliness. I wished for anything to take me out of it and then walked in an angel. I met Annie and quickly fell in love but also quickly found out how important Jesus was to her. On the inside, my atheist mind may have been rolling his eyes at that, but I could tell how passionate she was. So much so I asked her to take me to a Mass. It was as beautiful as she described, but nothing changed within me. As we continued to date, we would go to Mass here and there, and though my wall began to crack, it never fell. I was back to going through the motions of church, but I felt as no one would be on the other side to listen. That is until the Saturday Easter Vigil. I wish I had the words to describe what I felt, but I do not believe those words exist in this life. As I knelt there like everyone else trying to make it seem as if I was really trying to pray the door to my heart opened, and a divine wind blew through with enough force to bring me to tears. It was as though someone was just saying “Hello” to let me know they were there. At that moment I knew God was real. The Walls of Jericho around my heart came crashing down.
Genesis 1:3 God said, ’let there be light.’ And there was light
As the light in my soul was turned on a new found hunger in my heart arose. Since that time I cannot get enough information to satisfy me. Scripture, Catholic Apologetics, going to Mass, and long late night discussions with my girlfriend tend to hold me over for a short while until the hunger for more flairs up again. As of now, I have an overwhelming anticipation for RCIA to start up so I can learn more about and become a member of the Church that Jesus started on His rock, St. Peter. The eye opening realization that my belief in science goes hand and hand with God the Creator has brought great joy to my life. I use all of this information as my weapons against my old self. Thoughts that have shaped my life for the last 29 years have to be reformed. I find myself fighting the lost soul of my life before now. I also need these weapons of information to take out into the world. Strangely enough, every excuse not to go to Mass or say our daily prayers pops into my head trying to deter me. It is as if some force does not want me to go down this path. I am not strong enough on my own, but as Jesus walked baring the Cross on His way to die for every single one of us, including this once atheist sinner, I choose to walk with Him. With Him, the Church, and my very strong supportive girlfriend, Annie, I will be strong enough to live the life I was always meant to live.
Genesis 1:4 God saw that light was good, and God divided light from darkness